You Better Watch Out!

No rotten playground bully every told me there wasn't a Santa Claus. I think I was around 10 years old when when I came to my own realization that the jolly old elf in the red suit would not be visiting this year. There was no moment of epiphany, just a gradual accumulation of incredible rationalizations to explain how it was possible for one man to deliver toys to all the boys and girls of the world in one night. Eventually they were overwhelming. One or two impossibilities like flying reindeer or navigating chimneys being explained through magic are acceptable on their own. However, when the whole Santa franchise is predicated on a sheer mass of implausible conditions, it cannot be sustained for long, even in the most willing hearts and minds.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was practicing Occam's Razor which states that the simplest explanation is likely the correct one. Taking all the Santa myths together, it only seemed reasonable that Christmas morning was made possible by the simplest explanation: the parents do it.

I never told my parents of my realization; why spoil their Christmas?

I don't know when my own kids figured it out. but like me, they never said anything. I'm glad they haven't because I do like sneaking things into their stockings and then denying any knowledge of it on Christmas morning.

Hot Product - All-In-One Giveaway

As most of you know, Mariah and I have what you might call a ‘busy’ house. With 4 of the six kids here full time, and a continuous stream of friends coming through to work on school projects and assist in the demolition of the home that we are trying to maintain, along with the schools all requiring the kids to present technology-assisted projects and papers…our old-school little HP printer was on its last leg.

This is where the good folks at Epson come in. I was offered one of their very cool all-in-one printers to test out for review. When the printer arrived, I was blown away with both its look and the list of primary features. I knew that this was going to allow3 me to save face with the kids and I’d be able to get rid of the “so 2005” printer that I have been trying to make do with.

Pulling the WorkForce 610 from its box, I began to think that it might be a bit tough (even for me) to get installed on our network.

This machine boasts a sleek black look, is no bigger than a typical toaster oven and does absolutely everything. Besides printing about 40 pages per minute, the WorkForce 610 also serves as a fax machine, scanner, copy machine and digital media card reader. Designed brilliantly to connect via USB to any computer or independently onto a network via WiFi or Ethernet, the WorkForce now services many of our technological needs…all in one place.

Scanning the directions and knowing the delicate state of our home network…I had some concerns about trying to set it up wirelessly. I decided to try anyway. After all was said and done…it was a snap! The whole thing was set up in about 15 minutes and there was no (typical) trial and error. It just ran through the set up and we were all printing in no time. It amazes me how something so technologically advanced can be so simple to operate.

One of the really cool things is the fact that our daughter, who lives out back in the guest house, can use her wireless laptop and print things straight to my desk.

Once again, the folks at Epson have agreed to give one of these technological masterpieces to one lucky reader. All you have to do to enter this giveaway is leave a comment and for an extra entry, tweet the contest with a link (make sure to let me know if you tweeted- in another comment) Contest ends and winner will be chose on Sunday December 20th.

The printer retails for $199 - but if you go to the Epson store today you can pick up one of these bad boys for only $99.

I like this printer so much that I am also adding it to my future article which is going to showcase my picks for the top tech products for 2009.

Trust me…EVERY HOUSE NEEDS THIS PRODUCT!!!!!!

The WorkForce 610 is designed to deliver reliable printing, scanning, copying and faxing capabilities in a sleek design that complements any workspace. The all-in-one offers built-in Wi-Fi and wired networking1, a 2.5” tilt LCD screen and an automatic document feeder to increase productivity and efficiency, enabling users to quickly get back to the business of profits. The WorkForce 610 delivers the fastest laser quality on record, up to two times faster than the leading competitive ink jet all-in-ones2. The WorkForce 610 offers maximum print speeds up to 38 ppm black and 38 ppm color and laser quality speeds of 15 ppm black and 9.3 ppm color3.

Slides, Funny, Safety Lesson for all Men and Boys! Caption Contest

Some people learn by reading...
somepeople learn by watching .and
some people just have to piss on the electric fence to see for themselves......

Today's safety lesson......N-E-V-E-R,?E-V-E-R, urinate on a 220 watt 3 phase electric fence!

Crispy little critter, huh?!
Life is tough.
It's even tougher if you're stupid!

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeesh after that here'sa funny to help you over that!

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

'Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate, he stated.
'Why yes, she replied, every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church'

The pastor replied, 'That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?'

The elderly woman answered, $10,000 a week.'
The pastor was amazed, your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?

'He is a veterinarian, she answered.

'That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money, the pastor said.

'Where does he practice?'

The woman answered proudly,

"In Nevada.....

He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas , and one in Reno ."

1. Ole Woody is right about that!


2. Some of y'all need this button!

3. I thought the Chinese places served cat?!


4. ha!




Caption Contest, give it your best shot! Leave it in the comments! Steal what pics you want too.



Well that should cover everything you might need to know for toay! Y'all have a big ole weekend!

Hit the link and give a little.

Ok Hotdads and the groupies. I am a sucker for a cause and especially if a hot chick is pimping it. This next cause fits the bill on both accounts. Hot chick. Good cause.

Ok my girl old skool Amorous Rocker is trying to gather up some funds to buy toys for tots and then when that is full she will donate to Genesis Womens Shelter.

Ok here is the deal. AR decided to do something about needy kids and women. She is not a rich person but she gives because she wants to, and everyone can give something.

I don't pimp shit, or people, that I don't trust and/or believe in. There are a gazillion causes, there are many people who hit me up for pimping and believe it or not I don't take them all, even though I am pretty easy.

So here is what you need to do. She has a goal of $400.00 and your donation could get her there. Shes at like $300.00. So 10 people who are in for $10.00 gets her to her goal. $10.00. That is probably less than your lunch budget. So I say you skip lunch one day, come on biggun you can stand to miss one meal. Hit the link and hit the donate button. It will be wisely spent.

There is one other option for those of you who don't hit the donate button. You suck. There ya go.

Hope everyone have a wonderful weekend!

Hit it HERE, Donate. Don't suck as a human being.



Hey go hit up Real World!!! I think I'm on over there today too. Then if you wanna you can hit up Sageville too!

Why Have Three When It's Easier Not To

I understand why some people only want one kid. I get it, and I don’t hold it against them. For two days I had a small glimpse of what daily life is like with three ankle bighters running circles around me, while watching my bro's kids. My boy’s typical 2-3 hour naps have been reduced to thirty minutes each day. I have to pick up the 5 year old from school right in the middle of his nap, and the 3 year old gets him so worked up that actually getting him to sleep earlier is impossible.

I can’t stop to get some coffee for myself without having to get the other kids something. If I don’t they raise hell and I never hear the end of it. From the backseat I hear the 3 year old deciding where to deposit the golden nugget he just mined out of his olfactory system, with his sister offering her advice of ‘rolling it into a ball untill it falls off onto the floor because no one will see it there.’ All the while I’m trying to coordinate a tow truck through aaa to get my broken down Tahoe back to my city 30 miles away to get it fixed. Making a pit stop for gas turns into the two older kids escaping their seat belts and running around the gas station parking lot practicing a Chinese fire drill doing circles around the car. Having their father leave the house for work in the morning turns into a thirty minute battle to keep the 3 year old from crying my sanity away because he doesn’t want ‘daddy to go to work’. And there are two doors to the bathroom in my bro’s house, which I can’t seem to keep closed, enabling my son to dump everything in the toilet, besides his own dumps.

Life is so peaceful with one kid in comparison to, oh…….more kids. So so peaceful.

Help us all...it rained!

If you turn on the local news in Southern California the last couple of days, you would think that we were under attack.

News vans in every suburban city, residents rushing to the local Walmart to grab supplies, conversations in line at the bank yesterday centered on how long the suffering would continue, and cable/satellite and internet services flickering off and on had it's customers wondering how long it would it last.

What's going on in the land of movie stars, surgically-enhanced body parts, and just your every day quacks that reside with me in one of the most populated regions in our country?

Rain.

That's it. Fucking rain. I am embarrassed to even admit it. Rain is turning Southern California into a scene that resembles one you would find in the movie Independence Day.

It started on Sunday and has continued sporadically ever since. In my desert community, we even had some snow. I even had to pull out a jacket with a hood last night when I went out.

Where is Barack Obama and government assistance when you need it?

Already a bitch to drive in and around Los Angeles, the weather has made local drivers even harder to handle. A trip that normally takes five minutes to take, now takes 30 minutes as drivers limp through every intersection at the first sign of rain.

Throw in the want-to-be NASCAR drivers who continue to drive 20 miles over the speed limit and you get a reported 104 accidents in Los Angeles in the first nine hours of the storm. Makes you want to just stay home and watch TV.

The news is what entertains me the most on raining days.

The first 15 minutes of the newscast is dedicated to the weather. The economy and the Senate's impending vote on the healthcare plan would have to wait. Forget about getting any real news.

Thanks to TiVO, I couldn't help but continually rewind reporters interviewing residents and how they are dealing with the phenomenon of water falling from the sky. Here is my favorite:

Reporter: "How are you handling all the rain?"

LA resident: "We are trying not to go out in it. I know we need it, but it has just been so much. I am afraid to even go out and drive in it. My husband has been in the garage making sand bags just in case we need it. We just hope we can make it through the weekend."

Reporter: "Well, thank you. Good luck to you and your family."

Make it through the weekend? Are you kidding me? It's rain and according to the Los Angeles Times, LA has had a grand total 1.47 inches in two days. Reports are a new storm is supposed to hit Southern California some time Friday.

Please pray for us as we go through this tough time.

Should Tiger and Elin Stay Married?

The Tiger Woods affair scandal hit the covers of US and People magazines this week, making it important news to grocery shoppers. (And we all need groceries!) I don’t know Tiger Woods, nor have a clue what he was thinking while committing “transgressions” that let down his family. Whether those alleged events happened with one woman or nine is only conjecture to everyone but him.

I won't judge the man, but I do think the alleged details of this affair scandal provide talking points for any married or divorced couple. Should a couple stay married after an affair or sexy arrangement?

In fairness to Tiger and Elin, let’s keep this discussion philosophical, firmly rooted in rumors and reports of alleged events. Anything written below should assume to be “alleged”. I sure as hell don’t need a lawsuit. But as a divorced single parent, I am fascinated by what keeps couples together, and what tears them apart.

Should Tiger and Elin stay married?

Before we start, let’s review the traditional wedding vows:

I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

Yes, Marriage is Forever!

Some see marriage as a spiritual bond. Countries outside the U.S. tend to look the other way when affairs occur. Staying married is the best thing for Tiger Woods’ children. Who needs another broken home? Besides, the wedding vows explicitly promise to stick together for better or worse.


No, Throw the Bastard Out!

An affair breaks the wedding vows. Having a discreet affair is not loving and cherishing your partner, it’s utter contempt and disrespect. Plus, what’s with the prenup Tiger had Elin sign? Didn’t that break the for richer, for poorer part of the vow before they even got hitched?

(One blogger wondered why Tiger didn’t just put his mistresses on a payroll, and keep them happy the old school way. Doh!)

I don’t condone affairs, but I know there are plenty of reasons given for having one.

• One spouse turns all their affections to the children, and the other feels neglected and seeks love and affection from someone else, if only for a night.

• One spouse has an ego the size of a planet, like they’re the greatest golfer on earth, and they feel they are above societal and spiritual rules, and can do whatever the hell they want.

• One spouse badgers and berates the other, until the other seeks love and affection from someone else… (sell bullet point 1)

• Nature took its course, and who are we to go against nature when nature tells us to shag a Vegas cocktail waitress?

Bringing it all back to Tiger and Elin and any alleged transgressions that occurred: Should Tiger and Elin stay married?

Yes: Tiger is a good role model, and deep down a good man. Elin does not have anger management issues; she really did use that golf club to rescue him, not attack him. (Some single moms suggested she should have used a bigger iron, or a baseball bat, or let others join in. Oy.) Tiger and Elin can put this behind them. It’s best for the kids if they work it out and stay together.

No: Celebs aren't role models. Tiger is an asshole. Nine women over the course of several years, all while projecting a perfect image so he can reap hundreds of millions in endorsements? (Were they the back nine? Ha. Can the drummer give me a rim shot!) All Tiger cares about is himself. Why else is Tiger throwing money at Elin and every mistress to keep quiet? Bastard should burn in hell.

Like I said – we don’t really know what Tiger did, or how Elin reacted. But assuming the worst – should they stay married?

Hell, can they?

Tiger and Elin image uploaded to flickr by Higherimages, some rights reserved.